Being Squishy

I can tell you right now, this is certainly not one of those "how to lose that baby-weight quick" posts that are in no short supply.

I battled myself after giving birth to our sweet daughter because everything I saw around me was telling me I should be trying to rid myself of all that squish...now...and the quicker, the better! But, what this was also doing was planting into my mind that I shouldn't be happy with my postpartum body. That something was wrong with my newly squishy body and it needed to be fixed as soon as possible. So wearing pj pants all day long was not only easier practically speaking (because who has time for changing clothes?!), but it was also easier mentally because I didn't have to face the inevitable...I was 3 sizes bigger than ever before. Can I pose something? If we can come to grips with the fact that life will never be the same as we know it once we choose to start a family, than I do believe it would do us women a great bit of good to also come to grips with the fact that our bodies will likely not be the same either (even temporarily)....and that's okay!

Look, I'm not one of those people who just wants to sit on a sofa, whoa-is-me, I'm all squishy, let me eat what I want and become lazy. Umm, no... Carrying excess weight over time and maintaining an unhealthy lifestyle can certainly do more harm than good. Being healthy is a good way of life! But, the pressures of new motherhood are immense as is, so add to that body image issues and you might as well feel worthless. When your entire sense of normal has just been flipped upside down, being able to look in the mirror and at least understand your new body and all that it's capable of can bring a sense of pride that is far more motivating than any quick-fix program can provide.

I truly hope that every new mom can come to grips with their postpartum body and learn just how beautiful they really are. Yes, I am still 20 pounds (on a good day) from my pre-pregnancy weight and my body looks far different than how I've ever recognized it before, but I find it hard to get upset about that fact when I realize all that this body has been able to accomplish in just one short year. It's amazing really... I have grown, carried, protected within me, birthed, and now nutritionally sustain another little person. Did you get that!?! Really though..stop and notice just how miraculous a mother's body is. In fact, I think it's beautiful. It is not a burden to carry squish right now and I have not "let myself go" because I choose to recognize that beauty and am not back to normal (whatever that means) in just 3 months. One day, slowly, this squish will begin to fade, and until then I will choose to accept the body that comes with new motherhood and marvel at all it can do.

Growth Spurts and Jesus

If you could only know what today has been, and the day isn't even over....

Brynlee is going through a growth spurt and has been uber fussy, skipping all her naps, and nursing constantly...every hour or more. I had plans to start working out again today and ideally get to the grocery store for some healthy food options to go along with it. Those thoughts are certainly out the window for today. It's probably been the first day I've felt a bit overwhelmed.

I also realized today that it's been weeks since I've made quality time with my God who has blessed me with this little munchkin in the first place. But what's a new mommy to do?!? Skip a feeding and instead try and dive into the word...all while ignoring the screaming baby? Likely not. Feeling a bit desperate in the midst of her fussiness I attempted to at least read a devotion from one hand while trying to hold, pat, and console Bryn with the other. Needless to say that left me more frustrated than anything so I threw up the desperation prayer....you know the one, don't lie. We've all done it before. You get to the end, throw up the plead (which is likely the first conversation you've initiated with God in days or weeks), then immediately feel Satan's guilt and try your best just to move on.

Thankfully, God gets the victory and all the glory today. After another one of Bryn's many feedings she was in her typical milk drunkenness stupor, so I scooped her into my arms hoping to lull her into a nap. Instead, she woke quickly and started getting fussy yet again. But, I then remembered that just yesterday we spent a few minutes singing worship sings and she loved it. She lay in my arms, eyes wide, smiling at me while we worshiped together. I hoped for something similar when I grabbed my phone and turned on the music. If I couldn't accomplish a nap, maybe I could at least find a smile in my little munchkin today. But this time something different happened..she got completely relaxed and content. I didn't find a smile or that nap, but I did find a little girl resting with her Father for a few precious minutes...something we both got to do this afternoon.

While I don't always understand in the midst of struggles, I am always amazed at the blessings to be found when God gets the glory throughout them.

Rachel Rimar, SAHM

I got a new job! Well...kind of...

I have decided that I should include my new credientials after my name like all of those fancy people who actually become certified in something get to do. I worked hard for that title and I'll continue to work hard to keep it, so...Rachel Rimar, SAHM it is!  :o)

But seriously, our precious baby girl has finally arrived to join our family in person. Brynlee Elizabeth was born on March 29th at 9:07am weighing in at 9lbs 8oz and 20 inches long. So far my only claim to ownership is delivery and dark hair. She is a spitting image of her daddy! We are so very in love and beyond grateful that God has entrusted us with such a task as raising this little bundle....who is growing too fast already!

So how is this whole stay at home mommy gig going, you ask?! Well, let's just say I'm thanking my lucky stars that I get to be with this little munchkin all day....and for chiropractic adjustments. I am truly blessed to have a husband who is willing to be away from his girls all day in order to provide for us and allow me to be home with her. Monday was my first official day on the job, since Phil went back to work then, and let's just say it was...uhh...hectic?! Bryn decided she wanted to boycott all naps from noon until 6pm. Not because she didn't need them, just because she was all outta whack. Thus being thankful for a chiropractor. Yesterday we both went in for an adjustment and holy moly was that ever needed! If you aren't a believer, become one! Baby girl is back on a much more regular (and sane) schedule.


Now, to answer a few of your burning questions...
How are you adjusting?
  Phil got to stay home for 2 weeks after Brynlee's arrival, which was fantastic. We had family in town for the first week and plenty of meals brought to help out. I also prepped lots of freezer crock pot meals to use for the next few weeks. I highly recommend doing this, whether you're expecting a baby or not (why didn't I do this sooner?!).

How is she sleeping?
  So far, so good. She slept awful in the hospital, but with round the clock annoyances who could sleep there?! Since being home she sleeps great at night. Now that we're back up to birth weight (and some) I'm letting her sleep longer between feedings at night. She'll usually go 4-5 hours. Every night she sleeps well I feel thankful...I know it could end/change any day, but here's to hoping it doesn't!

What do Charlie (the dog) and Bear (the cat) think?
  Charlie is protective, which we expected. He started getting very protective of me late in my pregnancy, so we figured he'd pass that along to Brynlee when she arrived. If she cries, he searches the house until he finds her and will typically lay down near her to make sure all is well. Bear could care less...I mean, he's a cat.

How has staying at home been?
  I've only had the official title for 3 days, but I feel beyond blessed as a stay at home mommy already. The stay at home wife part is what sometimes gets neglected at the moment, but Phil has been uber supportive and quite understanding. For now, Bryn and I are getting to know one another and what type of chaos our days will typically consist of. If I can manage to make the bed and think about dinner...it's been a successful day in my book. Baby steps for now...at some point soon I'll be able to care for this little girl and her daddy while he works hard to keep us at home. Our new normal is still in the works.

How'd you pick her name?
  I have always loved the uniqueness of Philbrook's name and the style of name that it is...a double name with a nickname or shortened name within it (Phil). We thought we'd try and find a name with that similar style. We came across Brynlee within the first few days of finding out we were expecting and it stuck. We'll call her Bryn for short. As for her middle name, Elizabeth, that's one that she'll share with me and my mother. I always knew I'd drop my last name when I got married. To me, sharing a middle name was more sentimental than keeping my maiden name in the mix.

What's her birth story?
  Ahh yes, I most certainly will answer this. But, let's save that for another time...it's deserving of it's own post.

Have A Mary Day

As the grand opening of WatersEdge Church is quickly approaching, fasting is on many of our minds right now. Early this morning Phil was asking me if I'd be able to fast at some point this week. Thinking through things I wasn't sure it'd be the best idea to do a complete fast, but I could fast from certain things. As I started to contemplate what food I could give up, God spoke clearly into my heart about what today would look like instead. 

"Fast from Martha" is all I heard...

Yikes...it hit me hard and I knew exactly what God was asking me to do, or rather not do today. You see, over the past few days I have been so incredibly busy doing and worrying. Running from store to store purchasing supplies, assembling and storing, labeling and organizing, meeting with people, making phone calls, tracking packages, waiting for deliveries, worrying if that UPS truck will ever show up, planning for every outcome imaginable...just doing, busily, non-stop. Its my default, to a fault. I do things, a lot of them, and crowd myself and my time with the things that aren't nearly as important as time spent sitting at my Lord's feet. 

So today, I fast from Martha and all the doing and worrying. 

I literally stop. 

I wait. 

I pray.

I listen to Him and hear His heart for this ministry. 

I bask in the ability to just be with my God and know that in the midst of my not-doing, He is still in control of every outcome and possibility to come. That it is far more important for me to focus on being with Him than doing for me. Because, after all, He is in control and all of the things that I feel are so important to get done pale in comparison to His ability to simply work through me while I'm willing to lay it all down and focus on Him. 

This is the lesson in ministry that I have had to learn and re-learn more times than I can count. But today I'm so thankful that as the temptation of doing creeps back, I hear the whispers of God to stop and rely on Him during this time instead. 

Pregnancy Update

Y'all, I've only got 5.5 weeks of this pregnancy left! That's a few days short of a one-handed countdown! Yes, assuming little one shows up on time (rolling eyes)...don't you know yet that it's cruel to remind very pregnant ladies that due dates are rarely that accurate?! Contrary to popular belief, we are very aware of this fact, don't need your reminding, and simply choose to remain optimistic! :o)  ...moving along...

This has been such a fun pregnancy week...
Monday I had a great appointment with my midwife. It was such an encouragement to not only be called "cute as a button," but to also have her tell me all of the exams I can decline through the end of this pregnancy. I thought for sure I'd be the one gettin all sassy and sayin no. Such a relief! I'm not the type of person that really needs to know that I'm already 3cm dilated, only to go home and have wishful thinking for the next 5.5 weeks of an impending labor that never actually happens. I'd prefer to remain blissfully unaware of this "progress." I'm also very certain that I'll notice real contractions when this baby is edging towards an actual arrival. Until then, me and Braxton Hicks will continue to get reacquainted every other hour.
Wednesday I had the opportunity to have some maternity photos taken. Something I hadn't planned on doing, but the opportunity was too good to pass up. A photographer I know is looking to expand her maternity clients and needed some uber pregnant ladies to serve as models for future promotional work. I volunteered and am so very glad that I did. I decided at the beginning of this pregnancy that I wasn't going to worry too much about gaining weight and appearance. Don't hear me wrong..I'm not saying I wasn't going to worry about being healthy, just not about what my body would look like pregnant. I have actually enjoyed watching the transformation from pre-pregnancy to now. Yes, I have gained far more weight than I anticipated at the beginning, but I've remained confident that my body is changing in order to sustain the life growing within me. This maternity shoot allowed me to become even more comfortable in the skin that is currently me.
Yesterday I cashed in a birthday gift card for a prenatal massage at a spa that only caters to ladies who are pregnant. The best part? Some fantastically crafted foam pillows that allowed for this stomach-sleeping mama to lay on her belly again! Glooorious! Oh how I have missed being able to sleep on my stomach. I'd pay money just to lay on that table again, even without the massage. But, I must say I'm glad I chose a spa designed for pregnant ladies. I had heard stories of other women who had to lay on their side for the entire massage because those facilities didn't have equipment specially designed for pregger needs. On a side note..I loved the smell of the oil they used so much that I decided not to shower afterwards and just come straight home. Phil proceeded to call me a hippy for the rest of the evening. Hippy or not, I was relaxed and happy...

I've been surprised at how good I'm still feeling. I have more moments of feeling huge than actual days of that feeling. I did break down and buy a few more larger maternity items to last me through the end...worth every penny. Words can't express the level of confidence and comfort that a 34 weeker can gain when she actually has clothes that fit her! I can honestly say that I have really enjoyed being pregnant. But, I'm far more thrilled to be even closer to meeting this sweet little one face to face.

More than just a new year...

Yikes...it's about time I revive this blog, but for real this time! Too much has happened in the last year that I now fully regret not writing about along the way. Let me give you a crash course in all that's gone on with us and how stinking excited we are for what 2014 has to hold!

A few weeks ago I was looking back through old Facebook posts in search of a recipe that I remember posting back in January of 2013. While on the hunt for this, I stumbled across a picture I had taken of an Oswald Chambers quote. It said, "Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading." As I reread this, my heart both sank a little and jumped for joy. That quote couldn't have described the journey Phil and I went on this past year any better. We started out 2013 trying to recover and heal from some difficult times in ministry. We knew God had us exactly where we needed to be and experiencing those struggles was very much a part of His plan, so rather than run from them we hunkered down and focused every bit of ourselves on what He was trying to show us. Little did we know that God not only had restoration for our hearts around the corner, but the launching of a lifetime into a whole new world.

I sit here now as a stay-at-home wife/soon-to-be mom, 30 weeks pregnant, in a brand new home. Yes, you read that right. Life has changed...in major ways for us...and we're beyond excited! You simply can't put adequate words to knowing that you are exactly where God wants you to be at any given moment. Along the road to healing, it became apparent that things were going to change. Actually, "apparent" is the wrong word...it became very obvious! Phil and I were on vacation in June when we found ourselves both sitting on our hotel balcony on the same morning, bibles opened, with the same message pressed on our hearts from God. An unexpected numb feeling had hit us both that morning when we looked at each other and knew that something was different, something major was about to change. At the time we hadn't the slightest clue what it could be, but we knew it was time to really start paying attention to where God was leading us next. Two very awesome things were to follow...

First, shortly thereafter we found out that we were expecting our first sweet little one to join our family this March. As if this wasn't enough of a change for anyone, we knew that there was something else. I had always hoped to be able to stay at home once we chose to expand our family with little ones..something Phil has also been quite supportive of. As we began to explore the very real possibility of me stepping down from my ministry position in the near future, God brought us to a point of seeing where He was leading us next. That place would be Steele Creek, NC. While I looked at stepping out of a paid ministry position to stay at home, God certainly had ministry plans for us moving forward as a move to a new area to help plant a new church was on the horizon for 2014. Around Thanksgiving we started the search for a rental home in Steele Creek. We knew buying wasn't an ideal option for us for the next year (or at least until another property sells), and to be honest..with so many changes at the moment..its a little nice to ultimately have landlords responsible for major upkeep on a property. *As the doorbell rings and the neighbor kindly informs me our irrigation system froze and the back flow pipe broke, sending water down the yard and sidewalk (no joke, just happened...I rest my case)* The day before Christmas Eve movers showed up at the farm to load all of our belongings and move us into our new home.

We've spent the past few weeks in amazement of all that life contains for us right now. We're excited for 2014, not only because of all the joy that is to come ahead as we embark on some very new paths, but because we can truly give praise and thanks for the hard walk God led us through in the last year to get us here. As difficult of a journey as it was, I am so thankful for the molding that happened within my heart to fully rely on His divine plan when I have no clue what tomorrow might look like. We are pumped up to finally be living in this community and getting to know the area more each day...ready to minister to the hearts He brings our way. We're also super eager to welcome our sweet baby girl into this home on (or around) March 18th. God is so good!



If you're interested in knowing more about the church plant that we are a part of, WatersEdge Church, check out our website (www.watersedgecharlotte.com). For anyone interested in helping to get our children's ministry stocked with supplies, we're registered at Babies R Us (first name: WatersEdge, last name: Church) and will be having a drop-in shower on January 25th. Let me know if you'd like more details.