This past week I've really been struggling with something. As soon as I got back from Haiti I knew I wanted to go again...to be with the people there, continuing to show the love of God, and helping to rebuild their church. As the weeks drew on I started to feel a bit uneasy about the possible decision to return, especially within the same year. I just haven't felt God calling me to go back like I felt him clearly calling me to go last month. But, I still would give anything to be able to return.
Growing up I remember hearing these words from my parents...."I shouldn't have to ask you to do that. You should already know that it's expected." Sometimes parents, like our heavenly father, need to directly ask us to do something in order for us to learn its importance. But once we learn the importance of that task, do we really need to be asked each and every time to do it again or should we simply obey and do what we know is already expected?
Today, I started to wonder if God was just trying to get my attention for that June trip. Trying to teach me the importance of spreading His word to the ends of the world and showing His love to all. But now that I know the importance of this, does He really need to directly ask me to go and serve others each and every time? I certainly do not mean to say that I'll never be directed by Christ again, but I do wonder if this is why I want to go serve those in Haiti and haven't heard a clear calling by God this time.
To be honest, I'm just not sure and still searching for answers on this one....
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Today I'm Feeling...
FRUSTRATED!
Ever miss a quiet time? I have. More than just a few times. It never ends well, and today was no exception. I only had 3 things on my plate...2 vet appointments and an oil change, but one full cup of spilled fruit punch later and my day had officially been labeled a disaster.
It was the unforeseen that had gotten me. The fact that I hadn't fully let go of my worry about some upcoming yet unavoidable expenses that I was taking notice of last night started things off. This coupled with my avoidance of time with God this morning could have looked something like me personally holding the door open for Satan today while asking God to move to the back of the line. Worst mistake ever. Three vet appointments all with yearly vaccines isn't exactly cheap, but finding out 1 dog tested positive for heartworms sent me edging towards that downward spiral. A text message from Phil confirmed that I had accidentally sent him to work with a turkey, ham, and cheese sandwich with a side of mold on the bread. He could have cared less, but I felt horrible. And the spiral continued. The oil change was awfully quick, but our trusted mechanic just wanted to inform me that the truck needed an alignment terribly bad and that the tires too should be checked out. I knew about the tires...they were on that list I was talking about from last night...but an alignment for the truck was not. Only an alignment for the SUV...sigh. The spiral continues. So does my headache, which has been confirmed to be due to the wisdom tooth trying oh so hard to finally make it's appearance in the 26th year of my life. My jaw and existing teeth don't agree. The 4 year avoidance of that expense is quickly coming to an end. All to be topped off by a glorious display of frustration (that I'm glad the only witness, my cat, cannot speak about) when I spilled my fruit punch flavored Mio water all over everything (including that cat).
So why do I say this all?! Because I want a pity party? Most certainly not. Although this has helped me vent a bit. I say it because the second after my glorious display of frustration I muttered an equally hilarious statement out of frustration..."why?!" while looking up with hands stretched out and palms up. A display that is almost instinctual, not necessarily an actual question for Him. However, I felt the oh so loving, gentle touch of God and I quickly knew exactly "why?!". I stopped communicating. He was there, all along, knowing exactly what was coming around each unforeseen corner today, but I chose to go about my day without Him. Without His help and strong arms to carry all of that anxiety and frustration. By not having some quiet time with Him, reading His word, I wasn't letting Him talk to me. Even more than that, I knew that my thinking about giving God all my previous financial worries was certainly not as productive as actually doing it. Actually praying to Him about it. So this afternoon (or prevening, as Phil calls this time of day) I spent some time catching up with Him. This no doubt has meant that the grass didn't get mowed and the laundry didn't get hung up, but I'm 'A okay' with that!
Ever miss a quiet time? I have. More than just a few times. It never ends well, and today was no exception. I only had 3 things on my plate...2 vet appointments and an oil change, but one full cup of spilled fruit punch later and my day had officially been labeled a disaster.
It was the unforeseen that had gotten me. The fact that I hadn't fully let go of my worry about some upcoming yet unavoidable expenses that I was taking notice of last night started things off. This coupled with my avoidance of time with God this morning could have looked something like me personally holding the door open for Satan today while asking God to move to the back of the line. Worst mistake ever. Three vet appointments all with yearly vaccines isn't exactly cheap, but finding out 1 dog tested positive for heartworms sent me edging towards that downward spiral. A text message from Phil confirmed that I had accidentally sent him to work with a turkey, ham, and cheese sandwich with a side of mold on the bread. He could have cared less, but I felt horrible. And the spiral continued. The oil change was awfully quick, but our trusted mechanic just wanted to inform me that the truck needed an alignment terribly bad and that the tires too should be checked out. I knew about the tires...they were on that list I was talking about from last night...but an alignment for the truck was not. Only an alignment for the SUV...sigh. The spiral continues. So does my headache, which has been confirmed to be due to the wisdom tooth trying oh so hard to finally make it's appearance in the 26th year of my life. My jaw and existing teeth don't agree. The 4 year avoidance of that expense is quickly coming to an end. All to be topped off by a glorious display of frustration (that I'm glad the only witness, my cat, cannot speak about) when I spilled my fruit punch flavored Mio water all over everything (including that cat).
So why do I say this all?! Because I want a pity party? Most certainly not. Although this has helped me vent a bit. I say it because the second after my glorious display of frustration I muttered an equally hilarious statement out of frustration..."why?!" while looking up with hands stretched out and palms up. A display that is almost instinctual, not necessarily an actual question for Him. However, I felt the oh so loving, gentle touch of God and I quickly knew exactly "why?!". I stopped communicating. He was there, all along, knowing exactly what was coming around each unforeseen corner today, but I chose to go about my day without Him. Without His help and strong arms to carry all of that anxiety and frustration. By not having some quiet time with Him, reading His word, I wasn't letting Him talk to me. Even more than that, I knew that my thinking about giving God all my previous financial worries was certainly not as productive as actually doing it. Actually praying to Him about it. So this afternoon (or prevening, as Phil calls this time of day) I spent some time catching up with Him. This no doubt has meant that the grass didn't get mowed and the laundry didn't get hung up, but I'm 'A okay' with that!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Loooong awaited...
Soooo...yes, I'm finally getting to this.... Haiti!
First, some fast facts...
*Haiti is one hour behind us currently, but only half of the year. They think day light savings is silly.
*Our travels to and from Haiti were thankfully uneventful with only minor delays.
*Our travels (by bus) in Haiti were very eventful: no paved roads, often very narrow roads, loads of traffic, and maneuvers I never thought a school bus could pull off!
*It was very hot and outrageously humid!
*We had showers every night!
*The food was delicious! Did you know a tree ripe pineapple turns red on the outside and is nearly white inside...and the taste, ohhh, the taste is glorious!
*We did visit the beach and it was crystal clear!
*I had no clue how gorgeous the geography of Haiti was....mountains!
*The media portrays Port-au-Prince as a crime-ridden city when in actuality we felt quite safe.
*Every person we passed on the way to and from our job site had a purpose: going to the market, selling goods, cleaning something, taking care of someone...all hard working people.
*Nothing could have prepared me for the realization of truly how little the average Haitian has....we are so blessed and take so much for granted!
*Those who know English are eager to use it and want to teach you French/Creole.
*The second question, after "what is your name", that we were commonly asked was, "are you a Christian?" We learned that this is because of the influences of Voodoo practiced in Haiti. They now guard themselves and will not accept gifts from those who are not Christians. Why we here still feel the need to actively choose to dabble in ways clearly led by Satan, but claim "we can handle it"?, I still don't understand....
*Church in Haiti is lively...I loved it!
A Typical Day...
We'd often wake up when the sun came up (5:30am) or when the roosters started crowing (5:35am) and had some individual quiet time. Breakfast was always at 7am and by 8am we were on the bus for the hour drive to our job site. We were asked as a church to adopt the project of demolishing and rebuilding/expanding the first of the 34 churches that Pastor Rene Joseph has started. It had some damage during the earthquake and they drastically needed the extra space. So, our job site was Delmas 31, the church, and we worked mainly on clearing out the building, taking the tin roof down, bringing down the walls with some help from a less than optimal excavator, moving rocks, and manually breaking apart the cinder brick/concrete to remove the rebar. We were so thankful to have lots of man power on the team! The ladies helped where we could and often spent time with the children that curiously hung around to see what we were up to. Our work days typically ended around 2pm when we would head back to Pastor Rene's home (where we were staying). Dinner was prepared anywhere from 3-6pm, and we simply ate when it was ready. We'd have a group devotion/debrief in the evening and then some down time to just hang out. With the sun going down earlier there, it wasn't unusual to head to bed by 9:30 on some nights.
First, some fast facts...
*Haiti is one hour behind us currently, but only half of the year. They think day light savings is silly.
*Our travels to and from Haiti were thankfully uneventful with only minor delays.
*Our travels (by bus) in Haiti were very eventful: no paved roads, often very narrow roads, loads of traffic, and maneuvers I never thought a school bus could pull off!
*It was very hot and outrageously humid!
*We had showers every night!
*The food was delicious! Did you know a tree ripe pineapple turns red on the outside and is nearly white inside...and the taste, ohhh, the taste is glorious!
*We did visit the beach and it was crystal clear!
*I had no clue how gorgeous the geography of Haiti was....mountains!
*The media portrays Port-au-Prince as a crime-ridden city when in actuality we felt quite safe.
*Every person we passed on the way to and from our job site had a purpose: going to the market, selling goods, cleaning something, taking care of someone...all hard working people.
*Nothing could have prepared me for the realization of truly how little the average Haitian has....we are so blessed and take so much for granted!
*Those who know English are eager to use it and want to teach you French/Creole.
*The second question, after "what is your name", that we were commonly asked was, "are you a Christian?" We learned that this is because of the influences of Voodoo practiced in Haiti. They now guard themselves and will not accept gifts from those who are not Christians. Why we here still feel the need to actively choose to dabble in ways clearly led by Satan, but claim "we can handle it"?, I still don't understand....
*Church in Haiti is lively...I loved it!
A Typical Day...
We'd often wake up when the sun came up (5:30am) or when the roosters started crowing (5:35am) and had some individual quiet time. Breakfast was always at 7am and by 8am we were on the bus for the hour drive to our job site. We were asked as a church to adopt the project of demolishing and rebuilding/expanding the first of the 34 churches that Pastor Rene Joseph has started. It had some damage during the earthquake and they drastically needed the extra space. So, our job site was Delmas 31, the church, and we worked mainly on clearing out the building, taking the tin roof down, bringing down the walls with some help from a less than optimal excavator, moving rocks, and manually breaking apart the cinder brick/concrete to remove the rebar. We were so thankful to have lots of man power on the team! The ladies helped where we could and often spent time with the children that curiously hung around to see what we were up to. Our work days typically ended around 2pm when we would head back to Pastor Rene's home (where we were staying). Dinner was prepared anywhere from 3-6pm, and we simply ate when it was ready. We'd have a group devotion/debrief in the evening and then some down time to just hang out. With the sun going down earlier there, it wasn't unusual to head to bed by 9:30 on some nights.
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